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Please do not take offense when I say I am hesitant to take your advice.
Besides, I live a farmers' life now.
A sore back is a requirement.

[ 'cause. you know. you said you'd break his back with tentacles and everything. ]

I understand.
Even if bear armor was something to consider, I cannot imagine the logistics of putting it on.
Unlike Putinka, I don't have a partner like that.

[ who would ask their queen to put armor on them as a giant bear??? ]

A working back is what farmers need, actually, so if you throw it out don't come crying to me because you wanted to be manly and tough it out.

I guess bears don't have thumbs.

It's cute you call him my partner, though, it feels like we should be fighting crime instead of probably breaking some kind of city ordinance every time I get him into a cafe.

[ WHY IS SHE SO DIFFICULT ]

You decided to open up with breaking my back before giving advice on how to soothe my aches and pains.
Does it not make sense on why I would be concerned?

[ he almost forgets that she decided to text him because she was concerned. about bear!Jorah, but... still. ]

You must have an easier time imagining a bear put on armor by themselves than me.
Thumbs or no, you are still dealing with a massive beast trying to tie armor around their waist.

Don't be a baby, it was obviously just an example. I am just saying, I'm not totally defenseless. The back ache advice is completely legitimate. Do yoga or something.

Well, if bears had thumbs it'd probably be slightly easier but reach is a problem too. It's the t-rex problem for a new age.

You are just as defenseless as a bear with no armor.
Perhaps we can both accept that we are worrying too much about one another.

[ at least that's sweet??

but now they're on something new. t-rex's. there's a solid handful of minutes before he responds. ]

Gwen. I apologize, but you must know by now that we come from two very different homes.
What is a t-rex?

( he may have a point in the first place, and jorah may recognize the acknowledgment of that for what it is—

because 'young woman ignores good point she doesn't have a rebuttal for' is universal. )

Do you know what a dinosaur is?

I'm searching every corner of my brain for the word in a variety of languages I'm familiar with...
... no, I have no idea what a dinosaur is.

[ something tells him he's about to be in for some impromptu education. ]

On Earth, dinosaurs are prehistoric animals that were wiped out by an extinction-level event at some stage before humans developed. (No one knows what it was, but there's a lot of guesses, varying degrees of plausibility.) They came in a variety of flavors, so some of them ate meat, some of them ate plants, some of them flew, some of them were in the water, some of them were land based. A lot of them were fucking massive. Imagine if dragons were less magical and had seventy slightly different cousins. And we've been imagining them mostly as big naked lizards, like dragons, but that's partially because all the study of them is based on their bones, so if they had feathers or fur or whatever, who the fuck knows. A plucked chicken carcass looks very different to a live one, right? And some dinosaur theories look a lot like plucked chickens - they were probably precursors to some modern birds.

So the tyrannosaurus rex may not have actually looked the way we imagine it looking, but the thing is that it has tiny little arms. Big massive carnivore predator, wee tiny little arms. It would also struggle to put on armor. Or, since most people don't go around needing to think about putting on armor, masturbate.

( that was a long walk to a t-rex masturbation joke. )

[ sweet mother of god. ]

[ at least he's intimately familiar with dragons?? that's what he got out of most of that... up until the, uh. climax. ]

You must have really hoped I knew what dinosaurs were before this joke.

[ now masturbation is on the mind. great. thanks, kiddo. ]

( speaking of how jorah's definitely thinking about it now, )

I bet bears can't either. And you're going to pretend like you're too grown up and serious to think about it, but next time you're a bear you're going to think about the logistics for at least a second and we're both going to know that you did.

But if anyone calls you a dinosaur, they're saying you're old and set in your ways, not the jerking off thing. In case anyone else out there is making habitual references without thinking about how much sense they make to their audience, which is what I was actually doing.

( see, she's helping. cross-cultural learning just looks a lot like terrorism sometimes, who knew. )

[ maybe a few hours though. she shouldn't be so surprised if he leaves her on read after that, right. ]

You are truly a fountain of knowledge that I would have sorely missed if it were not introduced in my life.
I am grateful that fate has brought our paths together not once... but twice.
Truly.

[ this dinosaur knows a thing or two about sarcasm, at least?? ]

I'm choosing to believe it's funny because it's true.

( gwen knows a thing or two about deciding something is a win regardless of the facts. )

You do understand that you messaged me only to implant the image of masturbating bears, correct?
That is borderline sadistic.
Could have at least waited until I had some ale in me.

Now you know you should just line up a shot when you see my name. It's a learning experience.

We should share a drink someday soon.
If this is how your mind operates now, morbid curiosity makes me want to see it whilst intoxicated.

M o r b i d you're so mean. But I am charming and a laugh, so sure. I don't even need much, I'm the cheapest drunk you'll ever meet. It's a genetic thing.

[ why. why does she space her letters out like that?

he's going to assume he doesn't need to hear the explanation on it. who knows how she'll tie it back to masturbation. ]

Good. Less for me to part with.
I shall find you the next time I am in the city.
Alternatively, there is no thirsty man or woman on the farm if you ever swim your way out here again.

( there's definitely a way for her to tie most things back to masturbation if she feels moved to do so. )

I like it out there. I can bring clothes and everything, Putinka has saddle-bags now, he's a fancy little man.

( she assumes he would prefer she put something on out of the water. )

Sounds good. Plenty of room and board here for a night or two.
Just ensure you let him enjoy some rest.
He has to work hard to compensate for your lack of armor.

[ he probably wouldn't mind, but she might distract all of the workers. and Dany. who knows how she'd feel. ]

Edited 2020-05-24 00:04 (UTC)

I think you're just luring me out there so you can spoil my dog.

It'd be nice to get out of the city for a couple of days, though, so I'll look the other way.

( gwen's increasing tendency to think "some jewelry" is a fine outfit for the riverside runs numerous risks. )

I hardly doubt you mind my affinity with him.
If I feed him and not you, try not to become jealous.

I mean, the river's right there. I can fend for myself and everything.

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i almost want to say he waited 5 days icly to respond to this. but i won't

wow jorah wow

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