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( it is much trickier to brush past a direct question. )

Well, I don't do armor-relevant things.

So you protect Putinka but not yourself.
Care to disclose why?

He's a guard dog, his instinct is to guard me, and I don't want him to accidentally tangle with something that he isn't prepared for with nothing between him and it but fur. Whereas I have self-preservation instinct and what am I going to do, wear armor just to walk down the street?

( she does, occasionally, venture out of the city, though not far. )

Anyway, anywhere I would be going that might be risky for me, personally, is going to be the water. And you've already seen what's practical to wear in the water.

( well, she isn't always entirely naked.

sometimes she wears jewelry. )

You do realize this lovely city of ours has a habit of falling into routine chaos, yes?
I feel as if you have more reason to possess armor than when I decide to trot around the wilds as a bear.

[ but now she's got him painting images of her naked in the river all over again. thanks. ]

I respect someone who cares more for their partner than themselves, at least.
You put others first.
Or... Putinka, at least.

It's really just him. Here, anyway, everyone else is at home.

But if it makes you feel better, I think my tentacles could break your big bear spine if you got attitude near the river or the sea.

[ okay. ow? why. ]

There isn't a single thing about that statement that provides me comfort.
In fact, I think my back is more sore than normal now.

Aw. Lay flat on a hard floor and prop your feet up if it does hurt, my godfather swears by it and his back aches from carrying our entire fucking family.

I don't need armor is the point. I wouldn't know when to wear it so I'd just never have it with me when it'd be handy, probably.

Please do not take offense when I say I am hesitant to take your advice.
Besides, I live a farmers' life now.
A sore back is a requirement.

[ 'cause. you know. you said you'd break his back with tentacles and everything. ]

I understand.
Even if bear armor was something to consider, I cannot imagine the logistics of putting it on.
Unlike Putinka, I don't have a partner like that.

[ who would ask their queen to put armor on them as a giant bear??? ]

A working back is what farmers need, actually, so if you throw it out don't come crying to me because you wanted to be manly and tough it out.

I guess bears don't have thumbs.

It's cute you call him my partner, though, it feels like we should be fighting crime instead of probably breaking some kind of city ordinance every time I get him into a cafe.

[ WHY IS SHE SO DIFFICULT ]

You decided to open up with breaking my back before giving advice on how to soothe my aches and pains.
Does it not make sense on why I would be concerned?

[ he almost forgets that she decided to text him because she was concerned. about bear!Jorah, but... still. ]

You must have an easier time imagining a bear put on armor by themselves than me.
Thumbs or no, you are still dealing with a massive beast trying to tie armor around their waist.

Don't be a baby, it was obviously just an example. I am just saying, I'm not totally defenseless. The back ache advice is completely legitimate. Do yoga or something.

Well, if bears had thumbs it'd probably be slightly easier but reach is a problem too. It's the t-rex problem for a new age.

You are just as defenseless as a bear with no armor.
Perhaps we can both accept that we are worrying too much about one another.

[ at least that's sweet??

but now they're on something new. t-rex's. there's a solid handful of minutes before he responds. ]

Gwen. I apologize, but you must know by now that we come from two very different homes.
What is a t-rex?

( he may have a point in the first place, and jorah may recognize the acknowledgment of that for what it is—

because 'young woman ignores good point she doesn't have a rebuttal for' is universal. )

Do you know what a dinosaur is?

I'm searching every corner of my brain for the word in a variety of languages I'm familiar with...
... no, I have no idea what a dinosaur is.

[ something tells him he's about to be in for some impromptu education. ]

On Earth, dinosaurs are prehistoric animals that were wiped out by an extinction-level event at some stage before humans developed. (No one knows what it was, but there's a lot of guesses, varying degrees of plausibility.) They came in a variety of flavors, so some of them ate meat, some of them ate plants, some of them flew, some of them were in the water, some of them were land based. A lot of them were fucking massive. Imagine if dragons were less magical and had seventy slightly different cousins. And we've been imagining them mostly as big naked lizards, like dragons, but that's partially because all the study of them is based on their bones, so if they had feathers or fur or whatever, who the fuck knows. A plucked chicken carcass looks very different to a live one, right? And some dinosaur theories look a lot like plucked chickens - they were probably precursors to some modern birds.

So the tyrannosaurus rex may not have actually looked the way we imagine it looking, but the thing is that it has tiny little arms. Big massive carnivore predator, wee tiny little arms. It would also struggle to put on armor. Or, since most people don't go around needing to think about putting on armor, masturbate.

( that was a long walk to a t-rex masturbation joke. )

[ sweet mother of god. ]

[ at least he's intimately familiar with dragons?? that's what he got out of most of that... up until the, uh. climax. ]

You must have really hoped I knew what dinosaurs were before this joke.

[ now masturbation is on the mind. great. thanks, kiddo. ]

( speaking of how jorah's definitely thinking about it now, )

I bet bears can't either. And you're going to pretend like you're too grown up and serious to think about it, but next time you're a bear you're going to think about the logistics for at least a second and we're both going to know that you did.

But if anyone calls you a dinosaur, they're saying you're old and set in your ways, not the jerking off thing. In case anyone else out there is making habitual references without thinking about how much sense they make to their audience, which is what I was actually doing.

( see, she's helping. cross-cultural learning just looks a lot like terrorism sometimes, who knew. )

[ maybe a few hours though. she shouldn't be so surprised if he leaves her on read after that, right. ]

You are truly a fountain of knowledge that I would have sorely missed if it were not introduced in my life.
I am grateful that fate has brought our paths together not once... but twice.
Truly.

[ this dinosaur knows a thing or two about sarcasm, at least?? ]

I'm choosing to believe it's funny because it's true.

( gwen knows a thing or two about deciding something is a win regardless of the facts. )

You do understand that you messaged me only to implant the image of masturbating bears, correct?
That is borderline sadistic.
Could have at least waited until I had some ale in me.

Now you know you should just line up a shot when you see my name. It's a learning experience.

We should share a drink someday soon.
If this is how your mind operates now, morbid curiosity makes me want to see it whilst intoxicated.

M o r b i d you're so mean. But I am charming and a laugh, so sure. I don't even need much, I'm the cheapest drunk you'll ever meet. It's a genetic thing.

[ why. why does she space her letters out like that?

he's going to assume he doesn't need to hear the explanation on it. who knows how she'll tie it back to masturbation. ]

Good. Less for me to part with.
I shall find you the next time I am in the city.
Alternatively, there is no thirsty man or woman on the farm if you ever swim your way out here again.

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i almost want to say he waited 5 days icly to respond to this. but i won't

wow jorah wow

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